currently, ms. mosephine and i are looking for an apartment in San Francisco. We’ve spent the last 2 weeks as good people in San Francisco do, trolling craigslist.org and going to open houses and all that jazz trying to find a flat that works with our requirements and price range. We have a list of requirements… negotiable and non-negotiable. For our maximum price, it had better have all of them.

An apartment came up in SOMA and it was in out price range, had all of our requirements, and, though the location was not necessarily ideal, it was at such a price that we were willing to overlook that detail. The pictures looked pretty good. So, I sent an email off to the renter asking to arrange a time for a viewing:

From: simsea
Subject: 2br - Luxury loft-style condo in the heart of SOMA w/ 2 enclosed bdrms
Date: July 8, 2008 8:42:18 AM PDT
To: hous-######@craigslist.org

Hello,

I am very interested in the apartment advertised on craigslist.org. Is it possible to arrange a viewing today before 3 pm or tomorrow?

Regards,
simsea

Short and to the point. I got the following email in reply the next day:

From: [some email address]
Subject: Re: 2br - Luxury loft-style condo in the heart of SOMA w/ 2 enclosed ...
Date: July 9, 2008 6:55:08 AM PDT
To: simsea

Hi,

The apartment is available now, i am the owner, fully furnished, i can rent it unfurnished too, all the utilities are included (water, garbage, electricity, heat..etc). Pets are allowed. This is not a share or something, the whole apartment is for rent and the price per month is $#,###. I am asking for 1 month’s rent payment plus 1 month as security deposit, the 1 month is for the 1st and the deposit will be returned at the end of the lease. So, it’s a total of $#,###. If my terms are ok with you please reply back, if you have questions please free to ask. More photos here: [link removed]

Thank you
Maria Clinton

Ok, all the important information is there… also, all utilities are included!? Sweetness… then i asked the all too critical question, “what’s wrong with it?” So, i sent another email back while i pondered that thought:

From: simsea
Subject: Re: 2br - Luxury loft-style condo in the heart of SOMA w/ 2 enclosed ...
Date: July 9, 2008 8:29:44 AM PDT
To: [some email address]

Hello Ms. Clinton,

I agree with your terms and would prefer an unfurnished apartment. For when can we arrange a viewing? I am available this afternoon, tomorrow until the afternoon and all of Friday.

Regards,

simsea

So, then I get this email:

From: [some email address]
Subject: Re: 2br - Luxury loft-style condo in the heart of SOMA w/ 2 enclosed ...
Date: July 10, 2008 3:23:11 AM PDT
To: simsea

Hi again,

Just a few more info. Equal size-2 bedrooms/2 bathrooms, 1300 sq. ft., washer/drier in unit, A/C, dishwasher, parking–1 spot included in the rent, safe neighbourhood, very quiet, no noise, close to transportation and everything else. It’s fully furnished, but i can rent it unfurnished also, same price if unfurnished, will use a moving company. As i said, pets are allowed. Building has maintenance-included in the price. The length of the lease is flexible: long/short term.
Now, regarding the transaction itself, i have to tell you that i bought this apartment as an investment and i’ve decided to rent it to cover the mortgage rates. I live in New Jersey and i have noone there to show you the apartment.
But, if you’re truly determined to rent an apartment, i will fly out there and show you the apartment. The thing is that i am an interior designer and i am swamped at work, we have to schedule a date when to come and show it to you, could be this days.
Let me know what your thoughts are and will go from there and, if you could tell me a little something about you, would be ok.
As for me i am an interior designer, i am 45 years old, not married, i am very kind, loving and i like long trips.
Can you, please, tell me an exact day and hour when you could be at the apartment?

Wish you all the best,
Maria Clinton

This email made me invent the name “crazy lady.” Also, the suspicion meter is off the scale on this. Doesn’t the “i am 45…” line kinda make you think I was hitting the craigslist personal ads instead? So, in earnest, I sent an email back thinking this is really weird:

From: simsea
Subject: Re: 2br - Luxury loft-style condo in the heart of SOMA w/ 2 enclosed ...
Date: July 10, 2008 8:49:21 AM PDT
To: [some email address]

Hello,

We am very determined to rent an apartment.

[snip…]

Does some time like Saturday 1pm work for you? If it could be sooner, I would be thrilled, but I am a very patient. I would like to hear your thoughts on availability.

Regards,
Andrew

Ms. mosephine and I went to dinner and pondered how weird this all was. I figured that if all is as this Clinton woman claims, then she’s probably someone who hangs out on Ok Cupid. So I thought maybe I’d have some friends of mine who have accounts have a look. I then thought that google will work just as well. I narrowed the search down to a page that someone posted in Hoboken, NJ detailing this exact scenario, but with the place of abode being San Francisco instead of New Jersey. He screamed SCAM. Our feelings we in agreement. Shame. Then comes the absolute hook:

From: [some email address]
Subject: Re: 2br - Luxury loft-style condo in the heart of SOMA w/ 2 enclosed ...
Date: July 12, 2008 1:42:13 PM PDT
To: simsea

I am having second thoughts, i am not feeling comfortable to fly out there without an ensurance first.
I’ve been burned before and if you want i will explain. All i need from you is to show good
faith, that you are serious about renting the apartment. I am having a very hard time with my boss in order to let me take a few days off, she said she will let me do it finally ,but i don’t want to just fly out there for nothing. My proposal for you is to wire the $#,### to a familly mamber or to a friend of yours via money gram, then e-mail me the receipt that money gram will give you, do not pick up the funds before i verify with money gram, if you’d pick up the funds before i verify with money gram the whole thing would be for nothing and will return to square one. If they’ll confirm that the funds is there i will contact you and let you know that i verified and then you can pick up the funds back from money gram and i’ll book the next flight and will fly out and meet you to show you the apartment. I would feel more comfortable knowing that you have the money and you are a serious tenant. When you make the money gram transfer deduct the fees from the $#,###. We will meet there and show you the apartment, if you don’t like it i will refund you for the money gram fees. If you like the apartment you pay me, we sign the lease, i will let the keys to you and you can move.

You can find a Money Gram location here:
http://www.moneygram.com/eFindUs/findUs.do?countryCode=US&languageCode=en

Thank you

P.S. Maybe you don’t know what money gram is, money gram is the fastest way to send money all over the world and they have 1000s of agencies all over the world. You have to know that for making a money gram transfer you need cash and to go in person with the cash to a money gram location and make the transfer, you have to have your IDs with you. That’s why i choose money gram and i think that this is best to make proof of funds in my opinion.

Kind regards,
Maria

Yeah. Sure.

I went to the midnight showing of the new Indiana Jones film, The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. I wasn’t expecting much, to be honest, as it would appear that the only person that screened the film that liked it was R. Ebert., and he, apparently, thought it was the greatest thing since soap was invented somewhere around 2500 B.C.

To its credit, the film had a lot in the way of movement and there was rarely a dull moment. Plenty of tense action scenes very much like the old Indy films we remember from way back. The filmmakers spent an awful lot of effort to make it look like the old films. Shot on cellulose film instead of digital, favouring stuntmen over C.G. effects where possible. These are definitely to its credit in terms of aesthetic viewability.

In terms of the plot, however, we have a problem. During the film, homage is paid to the previous films. The opening scene had me giggling about “that’s where they stored the Arc of the Covenant” and sure enough, we get a glimpse (to, I might add, the cheers of rowdy movie goers. At midnight, all movie goers are a bit rowdy t’would seem). We get a glimpse of a picture of the eternally sexy Sean Connery as Henry Jones Sr. We’re treated to some classic Indy moments and mannerisms. Sadly, it’s not Indy versus the Nazis, but rather Indy versus the Commies. We are unfortunately dealing with an amalgam of all Indy plots that came before but this time, for good measure, we’re going to throw on a good dose of…

I don’t know how to say this without being a bit of a spoiler for those of you who actually care about spoilers…

What’s the one thing you can think of that would make you look Indy in the face and say “you’ve got to be fucking kidding me”?

First, let me say that the setups are bloody ridiculous from the word go.

Secondly, let me say that i didn’t mind when it was all in good humour.

Lastly, when you figure out the answer to the above question, you will probably be less inclined to agree with R. Ebert, and more inclined to say “Indy… how… could you?”

Now, I don’t normally watch Hardball or any of the other shouting match political so-called debate shows (part of this is that I don’t own a television and I don’t spend my life looking for the shows that I’m allegedly “missing out on” because I don’t own a television), but this one was sent to me for the sheer comedy goldmine that lays within.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YK0d8ENS__c

Verdict: If you’re going to flap about historically loaded words, you ought to know to what they refer. “Appeasement” the way that President G. W. Bush made reference to it is a powerfully loaded word with specific connotations. Missing that is missing the real meaning of the thing. Bandying around words like “appeasement” without knowing their meaning in order to drive nails into political coffins is a dangerous game.

VW decided that they’d poll everyone about everything (their mascot is a classic VW beetle, looks like late 50s model) and some handy person has added a “More Cowbell?” poll. You know what to do.

“Rich People: God Bless Us. We deserve all the opportunities to make sure our country and our blessings continue to the next generation.” - H. R. Clinton.

I’m wondering if the Obamas were all sitting around watching Senator and Former First Lady, Hillary Clinton, on the O’Reilly television programme, and, when she utter those words, released a triumphant howl of “Oh Yes!” Not only does she want to paint Senator Obama as an elitist, out of touch with the hearts and minds of American families, but now she spreads her wings as an entitled elitist out of touch with the common people.

Bloody Plebs, eh?

I have to give O’Reilly a small amount of credit here. “I’m not a middle class family, I’m a rich guy.” Honest and to the point.

Lets be fair here, it’s not like Obama hasn’t said or done some nasty things during this campaign, but I have to admire that he stood up and said that it’s got kinda nasty, it’s time to stop, and it just goes to show that no one is immune to rolling around with the pigs from time to time.

The Age of Entitlement in America must end.

“why are you making a giant English muffin?”

“because we’re making a giant eggs benedict.”

“ah, of course”

Did I take photographs? Of course I took photographs

May I have your attention please?

Hillary Clinton thinks you are stupid. There are a number of reasons that I say this. Most recently, that she’s convinced you are all too stupid to notice that she’s been lying to you and covering up by smearing and distorting the truth some more, inventing controversy where there is none. As a more general rule, she thinks you are all too stupid to do anything for yourselves. You need her to do it for you.

Do you think that she is right?

[edit: added some links and one for good measure]

I have been playing on Facebook. Despite the controversy surrounding their practices, I can still play scrabble with my friends around the globe and I can still vague keep / get back in touch with people that I’ve accidentally lost contact with over the years. I install very few “applications” because mostly they are idiotic and irritating.

Yes, I am an elitist.

Visual bookshelf seemed like a good idea. I’ve recently discovered that I am allowed and capable of reading for fun (reading previously did not really make that much sense to me if it wasn’t a technical paper or book) and visual bookshelf is a pretty neat way to keep track and hear other people’s thoughts on potential future reading materials. Lately, it’s decided to send me emails saying “you’ve been reading this book for a week now. Is this still the case?” which is a bit of a “you read so slowly! Taunt!” Ah well. My excuse is that I read in binges and those binges don’t necessarily fall conveniently at the ends of books. So, shush now, “Visual Bookshelf”.

The first is that ms. mosephine and i (more ms. mosephine than i, but still) came up with a new product idea. Combination fax and shreader. Fax’n’shread 6000. Think of the possibilities! No? Oh well.

The second is that I opened a CafePress shop to spread my filth across the land. Currently, it is called “PopGoesArt” because I had “Pop Goes the Weasel” stuck in my head after a discussion at work about the most addictive song ever. Should you want to weigh in on the most addictive song ever discussion, feel free.

These are the contributions:

Blake: Thao “Bag Of Hammers” at http://www.myspace.com/thaomusic
Max: Bonnie Tyler “Total Eclipse of the Heart” (seconded by Dr. B)
Dusty: Ramones “Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue”
Dr. B: Yo Gabba Gabba “Party In My Tummy”
Dr. B: Sesame Street “Ma Na Ma Na”
Simsea: Le Tigre “Deceptacon”
James: “Banana Phone”
Blake: Money Mark “Push The Button”

“you know… Dark side of the moon makes so much sense when you’re eating cheese.” - max eskin